Ask Diane: How do you manage anxiety?
Ask Diane is a feature column where I help answer your questions about moving forward in life in the most authentic and fulfilling way possible! We dive into spiritual practices, lessons we've learned from overcoming struggles, and ways to break through limiting beliefs. Have a question for me? Feel free to reach out!
Hey Diane,
I experience a lot of anxiety about life in general. Even when there is nothing terrible on the horizon, I feel this looming anxiety. Do you experience anxiety yourself? And if so, how do you manage it?
Anxiety has always played a role in my life, as well as in the lives of both of my children. It still manages to sneak its way into my day every so often, but I have learned where it comes from and how to manage it.
First, let's acknowledge that anxiety is a real issue that can cause terrible symptoms, which may leave you feeling like you're about to have a heart attack. However, anxiety is a feeling that originates from some past experience - now in the form of a thought or memory. The brain is fascinating in that it doesn't differentiate between a real-time event and a thought; it produces the same hormones that trigger the sympathetic nervous system (aka fight or flight).
When you perceive something that could potentially threaten you, your reticular activating system determines whether to activate your fight or flight response based on the perceived importance of the information. If it recognizes a past memory, it signals a part of your brain to stimulate your adrenal glands to produce the stress hormone. Before you know it, your heart is racing, you feel lightheaded, you breathe shallowly, and your hands become clammy. This reaction is designed to put you in "fight or flight" mode.
The question is: can we control this, and if so, how?
Although I will never underestimate the power of anxiety, I have learned enough about it to take control within minutes of it arising. Here's how:
It's important to recognize your triggers. In my case, before I could identify my triggers, I needed to understand what caused my anxiety (what it represented). I realized that my anxiety was associated with fear, which is linked to memory. By reflecting on my past experiences of fear, I discovered that in my case, it represented loss. I then asked myself, "What am I afraid of losing?" As a child and young adult, I feared many things, including loss of safety, love, confidence, dignity, self, life, and control.
As you can see, these were all the triggers that helped me understand why I was feeling anxious. Whenever I felt anxious, I would ask myself, "What am I experiencing or thinking about that is associated with loss right now?" This is because whatever it is, it is causing fear, which in turn triggers my anxiety.
I would immediately be able to recognize an event in my life where I could say, "Oh, yesterday I was presenting and messed up, and felt humiliated." This would trigger my "fear of losing confidence, or my dignity, or control." This thought would linger in my subconscious and trigger my anxious feelings without me even knowing where it came from.
Start by asking yourself, "What does my anxiety represent?" Then continue breaking it down until you identify your triggers. This approach was extremely helpful for me, as it allowed me to take back control of my life and not allow anxiety to dictate my actions.
In addition, here are five techniques to help manage anxiety and release stagnant energy in the body when triggered into a heightened state, such as anxiety. These techniques are based on the work of Emily and Amelia Nagoski in their book Burnout:
Shake it out: Stand up and shake your arms and legs for a few minutes, as if you were shaking off water. This can help release physical tension and move energy in your body.
Dance it out: Put on some music and dance for a few minutes. This can help release pent-up energy and boost your mood. You can also try taking a dance class, joining a dance group, or dancing at home with friends or family.
Take a walk: Go for a brisk walk outside, focusing on the sensations in your body and the sights and sounds around you. This can help ground you in the present moment and reduce feelings of anxiety. You can also try hiking, jogging, or biking to get your body moving and release energy.
Write it out: Grab a pen and paper and write down your thoughts and feelings about the anxiety you're experiencing. This can help you process your emotions and gain clarity about what's causing your anxiety. You can also try journaling regularly as a way to manage your anxiety in the long term.
Talk it out: Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional to talk about your anxiety. Sometimes just talking about your feelings can help relieve some of the pressure you're feeling. You can also try joining a support group or attending therapy as a way to manage your anxiety and connect with others who are going through similar experiences.
Remember that everyone's experience with anxiety is unique, and it may take some trial and error to find techniques that work best for you. The most important thing is to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you explore different strategies for managing your anxiety.
